Troy

Ah. Will the bad adaptations never stop? I can add “Troy” to my list of travesties now.

The good

  • At least they got the Briseis-Agamemenon-Achilles conflict right.
  • Hector was awesome. His relationship with Andromache was so sweet.
  • Odysseus was wonderful.
  • Discussion of gods & mortality between Briseis & Achilles.
  • Priam. Poor man…
  • The duel between hector and Achilles, and everyone’s reaction from the walls of Troy. The background music, or rather, rhythm was perfect.
  • Priam’s meeting with Achilles to reclaim Hector’s body.
  • Odysseus’ inspiration to build the now famous Trojan Horse.
  • The Myrmidons!

The bad (makes me cringe)

  • Where are the gods in all this?? The gods were actively involved in battles!
  • Left out EVERYTHING before kidnapping. Jumps straight to the war.
  • Menelaus & Agamemnon were also supposed to be mourning for their father, Atreus. Not peace with Troy.
  • Where’s Cassandra??? Actually, where’s the rest of Priam and Hecuba’s 50 children? Wait, where’s Hecuba???
  • They mention Sun god protects… Apollo, sun-god!! No, no! Apollo sided w/them because they desecrated one of his temples. Apollo is not the sun god!!! if they were basing Troy of the Iliad, they would know this.
  • Nestor is supposed to be a king, not Agamemnon’s advisor.
  • Why is thetis so old? She’s supposed to be a goddess. And she wasn’t supposed to try to persuade him to join. She’s the one who had him hiding as a girl!
  • Briseis isn’t supposed to be a royal COUSIN.
  • Characters of Menelaus & Agamemnon. Especially Agamemnon.
  • The discovery of the Trojan Horse. The Trojans were supposed to stumble upon it on their own.
  • Agamemnon killing Priam from behind. WTF is that??
  • Orlando Bloom at it again with his bow and arrows.
  • Paris killing Achilles with a few arrow shots… um… no. Achilles was supposed to be vulnerable only in his heel. A few arrows weren’t supposed to stop him. One poisoned arrow in his heel was. Achilles’ heel? Does that phrase mean nothing to you?
  • The Trojan Women & Helen were supposed to be captured and enslaved by the Greeks.

The ugly (just plain wrong)

  • Battle with Thessalonian?? Ok. Achilles did NOT join the Greeks before the start of the Trojan war.
  • Hector’s dialogue implied that he and Paris ahd grown up since they were children. Togtether. WRONG. WRONG!!!WRONG!!!!
  • Also, both paris and hector were sent to Sparta. WRONG! Only Paris was sent to retrieve his aunt.
  • Achilles was also heavily recruited and the greeks definitely wanted him on their side. He was also hiding as a girl.
  • Achilles was not a retard. He would have known better than to defile the image of a god, especially one as powerful as Apollo.
  • Helen never tries to return. And the duel… Menelaus wasn’t supposed to cut Paris’ leg. He’s supposed to have dragged paris around by the helmet, essentially trying to choke Paris to death before Aphrodite saves him.
  • Menelaus would not have been killed by Hector during his duel with Paris. Hector was a man of honor, and more disdainful of Paris than protective. Menelaus was supposed to live long after the war. In fact, in the Odyssey, Telemachus visits Menelaus and Helen. The fighting restarted because some Trojan archer (under influence of Athena) shot Menelaus in the leg.
  • Ajax vs. Hector. Good for having the duel, but Hector wasn’t supposed to kill Ajax though… they were supposed to part on peaceful terms after exchanging gifts. Ajax would later hang himself with the belt that Hector gave him after losing Achilles’ armor to Odysseus.
  • The sword of troy. What the hell is that? The thing that prevented Troy’s fall was the Palladium. Supposedly Aeneas took it with him to Rome.
  • Paris warns the Trojans to burn the horse. It’s supposed to be Laocoon who does that. Actually, by this time, Paris & Achilles are supposed to be dead, and Helen wed to Deiphobus, another prince of Troy.
  • Aeneas was also a cousin of the Trojan royalty. Paris would have recognized him. He was also reputedly the son of Aphrodite.
  • Agamemnon getting killed by Briseis? No, that ass was upposed to be offed by his own wife & her new lover just when he thought it was safe.

Conclusion: Troy-sympathetic, Achilles-loving degenerate butcher job with great CG of one of the greatest epics in the world. Siiigh…