I think I’m going to Idaho this summer. I got into a summer REU program at the Center for Secure and Dependable Systems. I still haven’t heard back from the REU site at Boulder, Colorado, or Polytechnic university in New York (but i don’t think I’m really qualified for the polytechnic one.) I have also been accepted at the Columbus University in Georgia, but their projects don’t look half as interesting as Idaho’s. Georgia peaches or Idaho potatoes? I love potatoes. But Moscow… yes, it’s a city in Idaho called MOSCOW… seems so boring. What am I going to do for fun??? and … i know this will sound horrible, but I have a feeling I’m going to be one of the few asians there. Looking at past REU pics, it’s… all white. And now I’m wondering if maybe I got accepted because I’m asian & female. (Though the female thing didn’t really occur to me, until someone pointed out that outside of Wellesley, female cs majors are rare. Is that really true??? If so… Wellesley’s really skewed my view, as I’ve met many female cs majors here, DURRR) well. regardless of where I end up, my project’s going to be something involving cryptography. Yeah… I guess I really like that subject.
I had a nice long convo with my advisor the other day. I’ve always been afraid of approaching professors to talk with them, but slowly I’m getting more and more courage to do so. Forcing myself to do these things has helped me become less shy, I think. Though I am feeling the “social backlash” as I call it rather severely these days. (This term is what I call my desire to be alone after a period of being rather social.) This, coupled with my desire to finish the 2nd season of Alias, has made me want to become reclusive, so these days, more and more, I feel like I would enjoy a nice quiet location this summer and wish I could stay at home with only Sarabi for company (like during winter break) and just sit and read forever. There are sooo many books I want to read that I just don’t have time for during the school year. And so many movies I want to see… and so many things I want to try and implement w/php. There’s so much that I could do if I were alone.
it’s hit me a few times, when i’m thinking of honors thesis, that wow… i’m graduating next year. i’m really doing it… it’s not some wistful possibility. it’s going to be REALITY. and then panic. because of the thought of grad schools, which, granted, isn’t as bad as it was before, because of the summer research which i hope shows them that i really am serious about even more school. and then of course, i think of what i’m going to do the summer after graduation, which is to visit china!!! and this i really hope can happen, because i really want to go back. I’ve desperately wanted a phone card for a while now, so I can call my aunt and talk to her… talk to my cousins… times like these I realize maybe I’m not as cold and heartless as I think I am. I can’t be, if I miss them so much. I think maybe I don’t miss my parents as much because I know i’ll see my parents. and it’s so easy for me to see them, but my family in china… i didn’t see them for 10 years. so 1.5 months wasn’t close to enough time with them… and they’re a continent away, and seeing them is so much harder, so maybe that’s why i miss them more. anyway, i’m horribly tired now and i’m going to sleep.
and then Saturday is my beautiful Sarabi’s fourth bday. I wish I could be home to give her a biiiig hug and feed her a special treat.