Monday: February 23, 2004

so tired

Soundtrack to the Last Samurai (Hans Zimmer) is so beautiful. How can you help but get caught in feeling the power of the emotions in the music?

school… is school. unbearable sometimes. i want to cry out of frustration. but i’m too tired. i keep telling myself.. jian(1) chi(2) xia(4) dao(4) xia(4) tian(1) jiu(4) hao(3) le. but in the moment it’s hard. cs251 has taken over my life. and i feel as if i’m in a hazy world most of the time. dong(1) xi dou(1) hen(3) bu(4) qing(1) chu(3). i desperately want to buy a phone card to call my aunt. sometimes everything’s so overwhelming i don’t know what to do anymore. give up? i can’t give up. and as busy and overwhelming as things may be… i still love what i’ve chosen. and i enjoy what i do. i just wish i didn’t have to do so much all at once.

Wednesday: February 18, 2004

hazy

today… was another one of those horrid days. woke up after about 3 hours of sleep… continued studying for chinese quiz… wrote ~300 words in a muddled state, half asleep. but hey… dan ci dou zha bu duo bei xia la! cs… erm. scribbled scribbled notes. sigh. this can’t go on. have overwhelming urge to speak guo yu and chat w/relatives. :-( i miss them… feeling insipid, stupid, overwhelmed, apathetic, and easily annoyed.

Tuesday: February 17, 2004

it’s been a while..

it’s been a while, huh… haven’t been getting much sleep lately, but i’m dealing w/it well. have been feeling extremely social and extremely anti-social. one after the other. school is very busy… feeling like my life revolves around cs251. enjoying cs349 very much, and chinese is… chinese. but i’m determined to learn it well, because there’s always that goal of talking with my relatives fluently and living w/them in china.

ecaasu’s next weekend. and i’m excited but dreading it… because there’s so much work to be done. in the meantime, i’ve gotten myself addicted to alias, peach girl, and huan zhu ge ge. you know… the older i grow, the more conservative i become, which is why i guess i like the aspect of peach girl that takes relationships pretty seriously & physical contact pretty seriously as well. and i’m softening towards Vanness of F4, whose character in Peach Girl is too cute and nice not to like. However, I still hate his hair. No male should have hair as girly as that. It’s a funny show.

have been reading lots of Nuremburg… but only when i can get off campus… because if i read for fun on campus i feel a little guilty. really interesting stuff though. hm. i really like my classes. but i’m so … busy sometimes i don’t know how i’ll survive the rest of the semester. i’m applying for summer research, and i’m so afraid i won’t get it… because it is very selective, and i’m afraid… that my resume, especially because it’s a cs department at Wellesley… i’ve felt the urge to speak chinese lately. but i can’t seem to speak well in class. like… i can carry on conversations just fine w/family, but once i’m in class, i just can’t seem to form a coherent sentence. sigh. on the chinese final… i lost one point on the written and 8 on the oral. oy. this worries me, because i need strong speaking skills. especially speaking skills in front of strangers. then again… when have i ever been able to speak comfortably in front of strangers? and i’m rambling rambling rambling… :-( i don’t know. lately i haven’t felt so great emotionally. ramble ramble ramble… back to work.

Tuesday: February 10, 2004

The great escapes

Alright, so I promised that I’d rant and rave about Last Samurai… So. It was WUNDERBAR. Absolutely gorgeous scenery, nice soundtrack, and decent storyline. My favorite character was Ujio, who was somewhat of a jerk (understandably ofc) to the main character (who i didn’t like too much. i dunno… the fact that he survived bugged me). Ujio was so incredibly brave and strong… I love characters like that. Sergeant Horvath always pops to my mind whenever I see people like Ujio… (you know in Saving Private Ryan when he gets shot like ten times and is still standing and says, “I’m fine!” and keeps fighting?) Katsumoto was really awesome too, and his son was soooo brave… (although frankly, I don’t see the big fuss about him being hot and all. he wasn’t all that good looking.) I really liked how honor meant so much to the samurai… that they’d rather die than suffer defeat and shame.

I also saw the trailer for Troy, which looks like it’s going to be either very good or very very very very bad. i dunno… i’m hoping there’s going to be a lot of the Gods and goddesses involved, and that the achilles vs. agamemnon thing will be better played out… and that it won’t be about helen and paris. in short, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t let it be another Helen of Troy!!!

And then… there was the skating & book sale. I got a book on computer networks (Tennebaum, same author as the 240 textbook) for ONE DOLLAR (SCOREEEE!!!) and History of Modern Russia (it’s only natural that when I get out of my German WWII history phase I get into Russia, as it’s mentioned so often in Nuremburg) and The Pentagon Papers. And I got Holy Grail, Holy Blood from Mimi. ^___^ yay! Right… so I met up w/mimi and max @ Boston Public Library, got my books, and blamed mimi for keeping me up till 5:00am that morning because… due to her suggestion, I was thoroughly addicted to I, Claudius and consequently lost a lot of sleep. hehehe. and then anita came and we all went to cheesecake factory for some … cheesecake. Then, after eating, we went to Frog Pond for THREE hours of skating. WEEE!!! Oooooh I looove skating on fresh ice. It’s so smooth and you go so faaaaast and you don’t worry about falling!!!! Around 7 Grace came, and we all went out, and then in a bit we went to Penang, where Sera and Carol met us and we all had dinner there. After dinner, I went to see Irene, (YAY!) and then I went back to wellesley, finished I, Claudius, and… thus ended my fun fun weekend.

Wednesday: February 04, 2004

handwriting analysis

hand writing analysis

Regarding letter size… you clicked “Medium”. Because your writing is neither really tiny or really large, this aspect of your writing is not a significant piece of your personality puzzle. We know you are not as intense as those tiny writers and you aren’t as “flighty” as some of those really large writers. So, you fall into the middle-of-the-road on this character trait.

Concerning the letter slant of your sample (slant reveals emotional outlay)… you chose “Midway between vertical and hard right-slant”. Your emotional outlay is exactly halfway between an introvert and an extrovert. So, you have the best of both worlds: the ability to think logically and make hard decisions and at the same time you can still be very emotional… which means that you can spend time and get along with both types of people.

Your emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, you can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. And even put yourself in the other person’s shoes. When convincing you to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal. You’re an expressive person and aren’t afraid to outwardly show your emotions. You probably cry when you hear a sad story, and you always take a box of Kleenex to the wedding…

Looking at the letter “i”, you chose “i-dot is just about normal”. This is a good trait to have, because it shows loyalty… a true commitment to stand by those people or ideas that you truly believe in.

Oh boy… the letter “o”… this is a very insightful letter. When you picked “Exit loops on the right side”, that told me you can be VERY secretive. As a matter of fact, the larger your inner loop, the more you tend to avoid giving complete and straight answers. You won’t lie, but you won’t just spout off information freely either. Your best defense is to answer questions with questions… “Would I say that?”

Excellent characteristic!!! When I asked about the shape of the tops of the humps in the letters “m” and “n”, you chose “Vary between rounded and pointed”. This is the best of both kind of thinkers. You can process information both in a cumulative/procedural fashion and also in a comprehensive/fast fashion. This means that you can adapt to the people around you. If you’re with a slow talker, you can slow down and explain every detail. If you’re talking to someone who only wants the “bottom-line”, big picture facts, you can speed up your thinking.

This is an important trait! When I asked you how high the t-bar is crossed on the stem of the letter “t”, you chose “Midway up the stem”. This tells me that you set goals that are realistic, practical, and obtainable and that your self-esteem is good, but not super high. I would suspect you still have an aversion to taking too much of a risk and you’ll hedge on the side of security.

The good news is your confidence is strong enough to leave a really bad situation and take those first key steps toward living your dreams. People that cross their “t’s” in the upper middle are pragmatic and secure with themselves. But, there are still more dreams to achieve… so stretch yourself even more!

When asked how the t-bar ends, you chose “Knife point toward the right”. This tells me that you are a bit of a smart-ass. Uhmm… sorry… the politically correct term is “sarcastic”.

You see, sarcasm is a wonderful means of defending your ego. Often this sarcasm comes out as a wry sense of humor. People love that. But, if you’re at all insecure, it can be directed at others and be a bit caustic and hurtful. Might I suggest that you bite your tongue next time you want to pipe in with a smart comment.

Concerning your y’s and g’s, you chose “Medium loop”. This tells me that you have healthy physical drives… yes, that means both sexually… and in your ambition. So, you aren’t a prude but you’re not a slut either… you just “like” it.

When I asked you if the first letter of your signature was larger than the other letters, you indicated that it was. This tells me you have a strong sense of who you are and a healthy “ego”. I mean ego in a good way… it takes an expanded sense of self-importance to get things done and demand the world give you what you deserve.

So, your larger letters in your signature indicate a tendency to show the world your self-assured and confident side. The larger the letters… the stronger the ego. If you want to know your full self-image, re-read the section on where you cross your t-bar.

Sunday: February 01, 2004

what’s been going on??

ok… so… what happened was… endore.com went out of bloody business, and they didn’t bother warning anyone, so i lost basically everything. thank goodness i backed up the database in mid october, and thanks to google i got back the rest of my entries. AUGH. still haven’t converted all my comments yet, but that’ll be done soon enough.