As soon as he became human it was apparent he must escape. Immediately. Oh sure, the stories said Happily Ever After, but really, what is Happily Ever After except propaganda to make the readers forget that life went on after the supposed ending?
The princess who stood gawking at him wasn’t much of a prize. Sure, she was beautiful, but did that make up for the gaping holes in her education? Really, what self respecting princess played with a golden ball and bargained with a frog – and then tried to break the bargain, for the sake of a toy she could easily have replaced? And at her age, wouldn’t her time be better spent studying or preparing to run the bloody kingdom?
Her parents were clearly somewhat deranged as well. Honor or no honor, what father would force his daughter to tend to a frog, especially a talking one, without so much as a double take. Talking amphibians weren’t exactly commonplace. They’d clearly taught their spoiled daughter nothing of tact or table manners. Why, she repeatedly reached for the dish of frog, throwing him a glare now and then. And who would serve frog in front of frog? It was rude! If one was to be accepted as a guest at the table, one should not be subjected to possible cannibalism.
She protested and cried so bitterly against having to take him to her bed, and once there, had thrown him against the wall. Clearly, she needed to learn a few lessons about why it was wrong to treat animals so cruelly. Luckily for him, he’d regained his human body before he hit the wall, but even so, it smarted a bit. And now she stood staring. Granted, he was naked, but shouldn’t she have the decency to turn away, or at least blush a bit?
“If you don’t mind,” he mustered as much dignity as possible, wrapping a pink (a bright PINK monstrosity) silk sheet about himself, “I should like to speak to your father about returning to my kingdom.”
She still stared, dumb as a post.
“Erm. Your highness? Returning to my kingdom is a matter of national security. If I don’t return my father will start a few wars. He’s been looking for an excuse for ages, and now that his heir’s gone missing he’s surely started the planning already.”
“But… aren’t you going to propose?” She finally stammered.
An involuntary shudder escaped him, “PROPOSE?” he nearly shouted, “ahem. Why on earth would I propose? The terms of our agreement were that I’d return to the palace, eat with you, and sleep in your bed. I never mentioned a proposal.”
“But the last few frogs always proposed to me!” she whined.
“Yes, well, this former frog is not like other frogs. This former frog doesn’t really fancy women,” he turned red as he realized what’d he’d said upon seeing her startled reaction, “er. What I mean is, I’m not ready for a commitment yet. I’d much rather go hunting with my friends for a few more years without a woman back at home to nag me.”
“I wouldn’t nag,” she pouted, “and I don’t mind if you hunt.”
“I’m sure you wouldn’t, but my life’s been complicated recently. And, so I’m not exactly ready to jump into a relationship just yet.”
“Oooh,” she seethed, “Men! You’re all the same! Bunch of bloody commitment phobic fuckwits.”
He raised an eyebrow at her language and decided tarnishing his character was much better than marriage to this idiot, “Well the truth is, I don’t really like women. Never have. My friends are the same way. If I were to get married, or even engaged, I’d never hear the end of it. Besides, I’m sure you’ll meet the right man… or frog, someday.”
She seemed appeased by that, “Hmm, I do seem to run into these enchanted frogs quite a lot. Well, I suppose when you put it like that it’s really not that bad. I’ll go talk to daddy right now and get you some clothes so you can go back home.”